HAPPI HAPPI BDAE TO ME!!!!!!!!











thanks to all my wonderful friends and families and darlins who wished me..realli appreciate it!





yest@1200am





my dad and mum and sis screamed happy bdae at me
and gave me all my presents.


parents gave me $$$ haha!


sister gave me my dream bag from ZINC!


and they promised me a great feast sooner this week..





and all the sms and pone calls that came in at that time
made more excited...


was chatting with my cousin gopi and he sang happi bdae
song to me over the phone...hahaha


and continued with sangee till 2+ and then as i was about to
sleep my another frend called and we crapped till 4+! and
then at 6+ my sis was dressing up to go work so in
the end could not sleep much.





morning comes and i go to school and my frend mani gives
me a surprise by appearing infront of me! he went thailand
for the last 1 week and when he called yest he told me
he was still there and that he will onli be back on fri
and tada!!!!!!! he showed up and surprised me!





afternoon after lecture shiva dragged me to
heeren and said he wanted help in getting some
clothes so like a piggy i followed and he led me
to NYDC and MISS clowny CHERYL was there
with a big big big bdae present! OMG!!!!!
2nd surprise! and they bought me my
favourite EEYORE!!!!!! omg in 3 diff sizes and this
was shared by cheryl,mani and shiva...thanks pigs!





so came back school and i did not realli have mood
to study...so was listenin to songs and crapping away
and later on me and mani decided to walk around
clarke quay so went and since it was drizzling we
changed spot to Esplanade..and sitting at the roof top
there crappin and laughin away.hahahh! sent him off and
yeah attended class..sob sob!


hahahah!

omg this was a memorable bdae for me and still

somemore to come up!

my annual bdae meetin with DD and MD and

of course not missing

MY COUSIN"S OUTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahahah!

cant wait cant wait!

pissed and mad..totally..
there is Freakin politics and favourtism everywhere i go..
you made me come just to show wat u have learned and tell me that ive nothing there to do issit?
and i felt like a fool..
damn it...

money speaks more for you then talents rite?
i noe i did not attend much and i did not attend for practices but this is not the way insult me...
my sundays are not to be burnt like this..
is my 14 years of hardship just to be gone like that..ive come thru a damn long way to nuture my self as a dancer and this is the kind of support i get? oh great thanks..you were very supportive..
i hate the politics that i have to face and the amount of biasness you show..
so for everything damn thing you do i have to just sit and smile and say ok ok ok!
i cant be controlling my damn emotions and go thru this and just stay put..
the reason you wanted for me being so quiet every lesson and you will bug me why am i so quiet is becos i dun wish to open my mouth and say anything...
i noe ur character and i noe who are those you love so much...you have ur best.
we travel a mile to just sit down and go thru this much shit..
im not a scape goat...when u dun have any soul u ask me..and when you have them u just shuff the both of us..it fuckin hurts!
it wun take me long to tell you off and just walk away but i dun want to...i have my respect for you after so many years...i look up to you but all these things you do realli pisses me off..
i cannot be comin every week seeing the amount of shit you have and make me control my feelings and pretend to you like im ok with everything...

man it just hurts so much...its money that we pay and its damn hard earned money...ive never ever burst out so much like this in my life...and today you made me do it...even today i just told myself to shut up and leave...and even you do or plan things behind our back..why?

man!people just dun change...im just so pissed no mood for anything...
i dun even wanna bother about celebrating my bdae at all...all this is just makin me breakdown and i cant show it to my family cause its gonna hurt them more...
i cant do anything much...ive never broken down over this whole matter as much as what i did today..
im turnin 19 and im still feelin like a loser who cant even come up in life...as every ass out there says im just a damn private student who cant make it in life..and im not a fuckin emo by typing all this out..be in my shoes and see how is it like...screw all these pple...ive like lost every happiness i wanted by today's incident..thanks to you ..

the past few days ive been feelin negative abt this whole ting and yeah as i guessed it happened..
i just dun need anything more..for how many more years more can i withstand all these shit..
the whole week realli sucked and yeah i ended up with a great weekend too..
and some others who have been also pissing me off this week and its not like FUCKIN HELL AM I ASKIN YOU TO COME AND BEG DOWN TO ME! IDIOTS!
the best i shall just shut myself off from all these...
for the whole last week i was like a dead soul at home not talkin or even communicating well with my family ..
my dad asked me to change and come back but with all these shit happening and with people who think im a irritant...how can i? there is a limit that i can control myself and smile out to everyone..im not a kind who likes to show out my feelings to others but its just happens...
i see my parents slogging and paying for everything it realli hurts me..i wish i can help them but they always ask me to enjoy..man they are my loving parents..and with lovable sis who is always there to help me and rescue me wat else more i need yeah at times when they go mad i hate it but at the good side they are the ones who always pamper and protect me..im such a pampered one..they dun even want me to suffer by attendin so much lecture...when i come home tired..they bother to even feed me my dinner...and how can i hurt them by tellin all these issues that is happening around me...and now since my sis has graduated and gotten a great job their next expectation is me...they wan me to also do well and as a daughter who gets everything...i must show it to them...and make them proud as me...

its a long entry and im sorri..
and for people who think im tellin out mylife story just get the hell out of my blog...
and dun read it..
harsh but too bad...

i love you pa,ma,and akka...
you three are enuff for me...

outing with darlins! DD and mD!

yeah met up with that two swines who were MIA for a while!

as usual have to do our normal routine of filling our stomachs so we ended up at pizza hut and yeah we sure were full after that heavy lunch and as usual we have to do some shit and make a fool out of ourselves..

so after lunch the three lil piggys decided to walk around and we went window shopping and every shop we entered i and madie went bleagh cause we were too demoralised to get anythinG!haha! not realli her but me! so then we went over to the arcade and yeah me and madie got mad over DAYTONA!we like pratically behaved like some small kids and she and dd were so happy when my car got crushed! how cruel! u swines...

yep and then as usual we make a point to visit starbucks!!and madie that kiasu singaporean was so greedy for that cushion seat! oh god!so crapped there for a while and then left at around 7+ home...went home and slacked and watched OLYMPICS! so fUN!
man its fun...esp the track events....and now am at school...

just after lecture at the damm computer lab of my school! borinG! and i just dun understand why people actually wear sunglasses and walk around underground mrt stations like hello! is there sun shining at ur damn face and yeah as i told before pple here at raffles place can realli get weird...i guess soon they will open up umbrellas at MRT stations...argh watever!


ok tats abt it..hopefulli the weekend goes well and its another 4 more days till i get a year older..i wanna stay at my tender age of 18!

somewhere in my heart
a lil place for you
ive kept...
since the day i met you...
you were my life and i loved being with you...

tough we met lil..
every meetin was a blessing and a wonderful one...
as u held my hands and as we walk along those usual routes...
everytime we sat and talked i looked at your eyes from the side..
the way ur eyelashes fall when you always look down..
the way you look with ur eyes at me....

every lil secret i shared with you..
and every small smile you will give...
those were the days...
i was a happi lil child..

but as the days went by...there was a strain in our relationship..
i felt the pain and the agony whenever you hang up on me..
weeks and days passed by...
my sadness became frustration..
i gave up on you...
but still i had a lil love for you ..
i had the confidence you will return...
but you continued to not bother..

i totally forgot about..
whenever i hear your name i got pissed..
you gave lame excuses to avoid me...i knew that...
and whenever i tried to move to you...you just threw me away..

i had enough..
i dont wish to continue like this..
if you dun wish to then dun...
im not a toy to play with..
i dun have any % love on you now but 100% anger and frustrations on you..
im sorry but its time you realised how its like being avoided my dear...
im happier this way...

leave it as it is...it better off when we did not noe each other...

omg omg its a miracle...my exam results are out and im happi...satisfied i mean..i passed the paper which i tot i will fail and failed the paper which i tot i will pass!

the paper which i went blank is the paper i poassed! omG! god is there! thank goD!



ok my major worri has gone and now i need to register for my paper 4 exam which i failed and try to do the computer based version for that.now the next worri is about my dance class..i dunnoe wat the hell im gonna expect once i go this sunday.it just too much politics to handle and i realli think money speaks too much. sigH! watever it is i noe someone up there is here to protect me.



this has been a good start for my week. hopefully its goes well!

no doubt yesterday night i was pissing mad with a friend of mine. its so frustrating that a joke can actualli be such a big issue.



now i can peacefully celebrate my bdae. i think i cant do much though..except for classes la! pissing me off..and now ive decided to change my friday mornin paper7 classes to tuesday evening classes cause the lecturer is not that good!haha!so now its practically nite classes except for thurs and mon. im missing people...dd and md..COUSINS! my loves! and my heart...




imlovinumysweethearteventoughshithappensbetweenusuarethereformeandsoamiforyou....

this week has been kinda bleagh...tuesday had my etrial test for FTT and wed was the exam which went ok.i managed to pass but im not gonna be happi till i get my actual driving liscense.most of them i noe have already gotten their lucky card.sigh..

ive been pissed off and realli upset this whole week. i lost my concentration on everything includin my lecture. I got so pissed off and i went over to clarke quay and sit there and just think in that dark and quiet environment and lookin over the singapore river...its good that my school is near there...i fought with alot of pple this week and i just get agitated over every single shit.and im a kind of person who hates to tell their frustrations to my friends unless it just comes off my mouth..i will just cry over it and just leave it!i just hate myself and i seriously have veri bad inferior complex...i just think that everyone hates me for some reason which argh just pisses me off..im not in a mood to celebrate my bdae also even though its just days away...and tml is my results which is freakin me off...im just tryin to stay calm..hopefully it goes well...

and for the freakin last time im not a EMO! please....
i think i just need some time for myself and get myself settled down...
the reason for all these laments i have is just one and onli 1 fucked up reason....
tat issue has been makin me mad..its either a yes or no and its takes u so long to tell me


even though i fought with you that one day tat i spent with u cant come back and it was realli wonderful...
and i never want to make u think about it and come back cryin to me...i hate to see tears in ur eyes.....its realli hurts me inside yeah...the most i can do as a friend is to help u..watever relationship we had last time just leave it and now that we are friends just get ourselves back in track...i cant be thinkin of u my whole life and ive told u my interest has changed and that u or any other guy are not my priority....i noe it sucks but i cant help it my dear...
watever it is....u noe wat i will say...

IM BACK!!!!!!!!!


just came back from malaysia!!


it was an awesome trip!had fun with cousins! onli 2 of them who are big and the other two smaller ones who are like 2 and 3 years old!





had a real good time with my darlins there! and we were like non stop eating! oMG!so much of food every hour!i put on so much pounds!anyway went out with my cousins and realli enjoyed myself!anyway watever it is it was a great holiday spent!



now im totally freakin out about my dance class!im realli paranoid and my sis seems so aloof about it and she does not wanna make an efforT! and im confirmin some kind of shitty blame is about to come on me! sigh...



im havin my FTT on wed..kinda studied...most of my friends are out with their driving license and i want it toO! its time i strike for iT!haha!

and my results are comin in soon! omg!

hmm im in school now havin my night class break and so i decided to blog a lil.dun realli feel like going out of the damn building also.class willl onli end at 0945pm and its so draggy.

tomorrow im leaving for malaysia to meet up with my 2nd cousins! kinda exciting! it was a last minute decison and how last min can wednesday be? so past two days have been finding for clothes ironing it...blah blah blah..and my mum is so strict about bringing ironed clothes when it will surely be crumpled when u fold it! ah mother mother..my lovable mother!

so have to skip dance for tml and sunday and our dance teacher is damn pissed with me and my sis and omg tat is the thing that is freakin me off now. its like we were suppose to perform on 16 aug and now we could not make it!argh! hopefully it does not blow up!

so today after school at 1, shiva me and mani went to PS and met up with my sis to eat @ pastamania! these 2 pigs apparently have not been there so me and my sis did some tour for them! had a filling lunch and of course with two comedians it was a good laugh along with them too! i was suppose to have afternoon classes today but it was cancelled and it was like onli informed at 0145pm when we were plannin to leave PS but yeah luckily....we continued touring around PS...and there was FILA sale going on..my sis and shiva went gaga over it.. i was too tired and not bothered abt shoppin and so was mani..so me and mani walked over to carrefour and walk around..nothin much after which all of us decided to get out of PS..sendin my sis off ...me mani and shiva went back to school and its so HAPPENS the three of us were wearing black today and we looked weird..walkin all around wearing black from top to toe! FUNNI!

its gonna be a long post! too bad..

yesterday my lil date with my cousins was zuper AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! we went for the movie and yeah it was happening! we were kinda noisy in the theatre but who cares and the whole row was onli us! and for a whole 2 hours it was like a conveyor belt...all passing food to each other...
popcorn
cupcorn
coke
sprite
mineral water
french fries
potato chips
omg a mini food farm!yeah the movie ended late around 11+ reaching 12....

so since my mum and my aunt were there..we cousins could not do "something" extra but to just go home..haha!love ya darlins..

so a lil note for "YOU": i have enuff time for myself and im not gonna bother about you!im not a retard to entertain you when you need me and just leave you alone when you dun need me my dear boy...sorri ive lost it on you and hopefully u get wat im trying to say..

im not a dumping ground and i think im seriously getting sick of guys..im sorri but yeah i just saw my veri own cousin being treated like shit by a guy right infront of my eyes and wth and all you guys do its just to go around and say that gal is a bitch and cheated me?! oh please..
not every gal is a bitch and not every gal spoils relationships! OH PU-LEEASE!
watever that was just a comment from my heart!

AdioZ!

backie backie back..with more updates on wats happening with me and around me!
so well things are ok la except for some issues and yeah on sat i had my meeting with my wonderful cousins. had the bdae bash as planned except for some minor changes la!
so as usual slacked and of course the usual particular group of cousins moved away for our "session"haha! so..me,shank, sangee,nayson,yugan,kugan all moved away to the 7 eleven at around 4am! sat down and had drinks.It was awesome and esp we were crapping about stuffs!
and I and my cousin were kinda gone...as in kinda high..and all i did was to sit and look down at the floor was feeling too dizzy to move anyway..and kugan seeing me not feelin orite made me stand and started hitting on my back...i just could not stand properly..me and my other cousin were dragged home after that...went home had a banana..was ok..so all of us sat down and started crappin again till 7+..then all said tired...all went to sleep..i and my other cousin could not realli sleep so just ended up using comp and watchin videos and just nice it was 10 n the wake up call came to eat breakfast! so its like pratically awake the whole freakin 24hours la!


yeah so slacked on sunday morning at my cousin's place till 9+ at nite..then my parents came to fetch me and my sis went back home and SLEPT! yawN!
it was damm tiring but wonderfully awesome and WOHOO!
i love them!


yeah so moving on..today its another day with them..gonna watch movie with them!my loves!
eversince last week i have a phobia of meeting guys! some incident just shook me off! im sorri bit yeah...ive been paranoid and dare not meet any guy...except for my loved ones la...i dunnoe...

anyway im just gonna be myself..and not gonna bother about anything..my results are coming out in a few weeks omg! im freakin ouT!realli realli freaking out and this month seems to be kinda dissapointing...many things are happening just like that...

i will just have to leave with it and move along with whatever i have..
God bless me!

You've just stepped onto my territory.

I'm just a little nobody...
Saranya
18
26 August 1989
Single