| Saturday, August 23, 2008 |
pissed and mad..totally..
there is Freakin politics and favourtism everywhere i go..
you made me come just to show wat u have learned and tell me that ive nothing there to do issit?
and i felt like a fool..
damn it...
money speaks more for you then talents rite?
i noe i did not attend much and i did not attend for practices but this is not the way insult me...
my sundays are not to be burnt like this..
is my 14 years of hardship just to be gone like that..ive come thru a damn long way to nuture my self as a dancer and this is the kind of support i get? oh great thanks..you were very supportive..
i hate the politics that i have to face and the amount of biasness you show..
so for everything damn thing you do i have to just sit and smile and say ok ok ok!
i cant be controlling my damn emotions and go thru this and just stay put..
the reason you wanted for me being so quiet every lesson and you will bug me why am i so quiet is becos i dun wish to open my mouth and say anything...
i noe ur character and i noe who are those you love so much...you have ur best.
we travel a mile to just sit down and go thru this much shit..
im not a scape goat...when u dun have any soul u ask me..and when you have them u just shuff the both of us..it fuckin hurts!
it wun take me long to tell you off and just walk away but i dun want to...i have my respect for you after so many years...i look up to you but all these things you do realli pisses me off..
i cannot be comin every week seeing the amount of shit you have and make me control my feelings and pretend to you like im ok with everything...
man it just hurts so much...its money that we pay and its damn hard earned money...ive never ever burst out so much like this in my life...and today you made me do it...even today i just told myself to shut up and leave...and even you do or plan things behind our back..why?
man!people just dun change...im just so pissed no mood for anything...
i dun even wanna bother about celebrating my bdae at all...all this is just makin me breakdown and i cant show it to my family cause its gonna hurt them more...
i cant do anything much...ive never broken down over this whole matter as much as what i did today..
im turnin 19 and im still feelin like a loser who cant even come up in life...as every ass out there says im just a damn private student who cant make it in life..and im not a fuckin emo by typing all this out..be in my shoes and see how is it like...screw all these pple...ive like lost every happiness i wanted by today's incident..thanks to you ..
the past few days ive been feelin negative abt this whole ting and yeah as i guessed it happened..
i just dun need anything more..for how many more years more can i withstand all these shit..
the whole week realli sucked and yeah i ended up with a great weekend too..
and some others who have been also pissing me off this week and its not like FUCKIN HELL AM I ASKIN YOU TO COME AND BEG DOWN TO ME! IDIOTS!
the best i shall just shut myself off from all these...
for the whole last week i was like a dead soul at home not talkin or even communicating well with my family ..
my dad asked me to change and come back but with all these shit happening and with people who think im a irritant...how can i? there is a limit that i can control myself and smile out to everyone..im not a kind who likes to show out my feelings to others but its just happens...
i see my parents slogging and paying for everything it realli hurts me..i wish i can help them but they always ask me to enjoy..man they are my loving parents..and with lovable sis who is always there to help me and rescue me wat else more i need yeah at times when they go mad i hate it but at the good side they are the ones who always pamper and protect me..im such a pampered one..they dun even want me to suffer by attendin so much lecture...when i come home tired..they bother to even feed me my dinner...and how can i hurt them by tellin all these issues that is happening around me...and now since my sis has graduated and gotten a great job their next expectation is me...they wan me to also do well and as a daughter who gets everything...i must show it to them...and make them proud as me...
its a long entry and im sorri..
and for people who think im tellin out mylife story just get the hell out of my blog...
and dun read it..
harsh but too bad...
i love you pa,ma,and akka...
you three are enuff for me...
Walk to my grave along with your heart ♥ 11:51 PM
